You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
