I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
