Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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