You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
