i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
