Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
