Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
