just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
