i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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