I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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