oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
