she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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