THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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