When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
