I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
