Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
