I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
