in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
