I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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