Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
