If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
