I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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