I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
