we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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