I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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