this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
