I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
