Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
