weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
