Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You ruined the universe
Randomize
