She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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