She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
