I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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