Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
