a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
