oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
