just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
