I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
one two three fourrrrnication!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
