I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You ruined the universe
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
