my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
