wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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