Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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