Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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