I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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