someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
