just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
