TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
