dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
