saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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