So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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