I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Less talking, more tequila
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
